Strengthen the Intimacy in Your Life

Many of us are so afraid of intimacy that we sabotage the happiness in our lives. There’s just no denying that no matter how complex and scary the world gets today we can still be our own worst enemy. We subconsciously push loved ones away, yet deep inside there’s a voice screaming for closeness. Intimacy awakens powerful feelings in all of us, both positive and negative. We may feel love, warmth, closeness, but intimacy may also awaken fear, anxiety. This can serve to sabotage a relationship. Remember intimacy means becoming emotionally vulnerable with each other. Before you can do this you need to build self-awareness to understand what may need to be fixed within you. Do I expect more from my partner than he or she can give me, or am I afraid to ask my partner for the nurturing I deserve? Here are some key ingredients needed to improve your relationship.

• Safe communications with each other is the foundation that the house rests on. Without a solid foundation the house will fall. Creating an environment for safe communication is the most important element in a healthy relationship. In a healthy relationship both parties need to discuss the ways to communicate with each other in a safe way. If not they will become victims to each other and neither party will be able to hear the other’s concerns. The rules may be that neither party will rage at the other or withdraw emotionally. The challenges to these rules must be negotiated. Can you share your feelings with your partner even if your partner disagrees with you? Can you hear each other’s concerns or do you become a victim to each other?
• Relationships are not always 50/50. In a healthy relationship both parties understand there are times where one partner needs to contribute more to the relationship than the other. What may come easy to one may not be easy to the other and this is okay as long as it’s not the same partner that does all the giving.
• Become aware of the version of intimacy each of you received in your childhood. Did you witness parents being warm and close with each other or was intimacy avoided? Were parents supportive towards each other, discussing their problems, even if they disagreed, or were they constantly blaming each other?
• Don’t confuse the voices from your childhood with those in your life today. For instance, you may be very sensitive to criticism by your partner because you were judged harshly in your childhood. When criticized it awakens old feelings.
• Both you and your partner need to ask yourselves, DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE CLOSE? In a healthy relationship both partners know when to relinquish the need to be right. When we feel heard, then they we feel important. This will also increase the chances that you will get lucky in the bedroom as well.
• Help your partner in unexpected ways. For instance, helping with household chores, or asking the kids to help out can make your partner feel valued.
• Think of the ways you can make the relationship better without focusing on your partner’s shortcomings.

Finally, remember – the most important relationship you have is the one you have with yourself. When you feel good about YOU, you’ll make better choices and have healthier relationships. That can only play out better in the bedroom and in your overall intimate relationship.