7 Ways To Enhance The Intimacy In Your Life

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Many of us are so afraid of intimacy that we sabotage the happiness in our lives. Here are 7 tips to enhance the intimacy in your life.

file0001067824907 (1)Many of us are so afraid of intimacy that we sabotage the happiness in our lives. There’s just no denying that no matter how complex and scary the world gets today we can still be our own worst enemy. We subconsciously push loved ones away, yet deep inside there’s a voice screaming for closeness. I’ve been quite successful helping folks understand why they push others away so that they can allow intimacy into their lives. Here are 7 tips to enhance the intimacy in your life.

1. CREATING AN ENVIRONMENT FOR SAFE COMMUNICATIONS

In a healthy relationship both parties need to discuss the ways they can communicate with each other in a safe way. If not they will become victims to each other and neither party will be able to hear the other’s concerns. The rules may be that neither party will rage at the other or withdraw emotionally. The challenges to these rules will be negotiated. Safe communications is the foundation by which the relationship is built.

2. RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOT ALWAYS 50/50

In a healthy relationship both parties understand there are times where one partner needs to contribute more to the relationship than the other. What may come easy to one may not be easy to the other and this is okay.

3. BECOME AWARE OF THE VERSION OF INTIMACY EACH PARTNER RECEIVED IN CHILDHOOD

For instance, I ask people what intimacy looked like for them when they were children. Were their parents warm and close with each other or was intimacy something to avoid?

4. BE AWARE OF THE TIME TRAVELING PROCESS

This is where we confuse the voices from our childhood with those in our lives today. For instance we may be very sensitive to criticism by our partner because we were judged harshly in our childhood. When criticized it awakens old feelings and messages which will distort our ability to hear our partner and to share our feelings as well.

5. DO YOU WANT TO BE RIGHT OR DO YOU WANT TO BE CLOSE?

Know when to relinquish the need to be right in your conversations with your partner and instead choose closeness by listening instead.

6. HELP YOUR PARTNER WITHOUT EXPECTING A COOKIE IN RETURN

Help your partner in those areas in their life where they don’t expect help. The key is to help them without expecting something back, just do the next right action. This will also help you get lucky in the bedroom.

7. BE AWARE OF YOUR INNER CRITIC

If you have an inner critic, that inner voice constantly telling you what you’ve done wrong, never allowing you to celebrate your victories, you will give that inner critic to those around you. The answer is you need to work on silencing that inner voice or that voice will sabotage your intimacy.

2 Comments

  1. Tracy Swanson says:

    Do you have a book or guide for couples? Heard you on Jenny McCarthy show and heard first caller and my marriage is very similar with husband who experienced traumatic childhood. Any information would help. Thank you!

    • Thomas Gagliano says:

      Tracy find help yourself. Friends, family, therapist, coach, It will help to understand what healthy boundaries are, what enabling is, and codependency. Sometimes we mistake selfcare for selfishness. You need to take care of you. If you can get him to read my first book, The Problem Was me. He will see himself in my book and this may give him some willingness to get help. My couples book will be coming out shortly my my first book will help him. Good luck.

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